Lindsey Vonn vs Shaun White

Olympic Whiners

In football, you loose major yardage for unsportsmanlike conduct.  In the Olympics, you can get away with being a self centered snob with no team spirit whatsoever, no sense of pride in your nation, and no need to cheer for everyone else who made it all the way to Vancouver...if you're Lindsey Vonn.

Oh, sure, she's the darling of the slopes at the moment.  It's just heart rendering that she fights through the pain in her shin to continue to compete, isn't it?  And everyone knows how she suffers, because lest we forget, she's quick to remind us herself.  That's the sportscaster's job, honey.  Your job is to do your best and be gracious whether you win or lose.

I admit, i have little patience for the whole pampered princess mentality thing.  I also allow that there are times and places where it can be carried off...like at home with your husband when you want him to take out the trash or take you out to dinner.  Standing on the podium to accept a medal is not the time to sneer at your fellow human beings as though they have a lot of nerve being within ten feet of your royal person without your express invitation.  If i were Julia Mancuso, i'd have a hard time restraining myself from greasing Vonn's pole grips.

So, on one end of the scale, we have Princess Vonn, who shames our nation with her performance off the slopes.  However, thank heavens, we have Shaun White on the other end of the scale.  He cheers for everyone going through their moves.  He cheers for everyone on the podium.  He reaches out to take the hand of everyone who's competing.  He encourages everyone who isn't an aspiring Olympiad to go out and try the sport just for the sheer fun of it.  White stands on the podium and reaches out to give his fellow winners from all over the world a pat on the back.  We gladly forgive him for playing a little air guitar during the national anthem because well, he's a kid, he's really excited, he won a gold medal, and he's sharing the rush with all of us.

Snowboarders are a world unto themselves.  Isn't it funny that the best sportsmanship we've seen to date comes from a pack of kids who compete only after they've made sure they have the right song blasting on their IPod, their pants are comfortably jacked halfway down their posteriors, and then they sing all the way down the run?  They make mistakes, they blow a landing, but when they reach the bottom of the halfpipe, they're laughing and jumping up and down like someone just told them they won free candy for life and they can have enough to share with everyone else as well. 

Shaun White wants to go to the White House.  Obama would be a fool not to invite the kid over for a whole week and let Shaun and three of his best friends teach the First Daughters how to skateboard on the front steps.  Let's declare the building the "Shaun White House" for a few days.

As for Vonn, the President's Rose Garden already has enough thorns, doesn't it?

Lily Robertson, who loves that the Olympics has an actual event where you ski really fast then shoot something, can also be reached for comment at canopicjargon@gmail.com or on Facebook.