Party on, Gremlins!

I'm having one of those days when i begin to suspect that the world as i know it got up and went on holiday without me.  In its place, it left behind an alien planet that looked suspiciously like the place i went to sleep in yesterday, but all the real folks were replaced with gummy people. 


If i weren't the first one up in the morning in this madhouse, i'd wonder if someone had slipped something highly illegal into my first cuppa joe.

I hear you cry...Lily is easily riled, but what in the name of Neptune's left nut could actually freak Lily out?  As much as i'd love to give you names and specifics, i've gotten fond of my lily white hide and you'll just have to wonder.  I will say it was an endless stream of odd that began early and continued long enough to set me in a right nasty state of paranoia.  At least this time the sane part of my mind, or what's left of it, realizes that on this particular day, everyone isn't actually out to get me.  On the other hand, i have serious suspicions that something's not quite on the up and up in the great cosmic scheme of things.  When one person freaks you out, you're probably being a teeny bit skittish for no good reason.  When about thirty people give you reason to shake your head, it may well be time to check the calendar for an impending full moon.

Imagine, if you will, opening a can of Coke and finding it full of frozen peas, which you aren't fond of in the first place.  While you stand there a bit stunned, the person next to you turns and exclaims, "Frozen peas!  Bonus!  Can i have that?!"  Well, my day wasn't quite that odd, but it felt close enough to hit the same dart board.  I've gone through 13.5 hours of it so far and i've reached the point where perfectly normal things are making me go, "WTF, Minnie Pearl!?!" before i remember it's just my usual standard of peculiar.  Nothing to see here, folks, move along.

It's got to be some stellar practical joke.  I'm fully prepared to search the house for a reset button.  It's a cluttered house, so there's no telling what i may turn up, which means in spite of the fact that the solution may be right under the next pile of sneakers, i'm hesitant to look in case one of the laces decides to grab hold of my wrist and haul me off into another dimension.  That would definitely make me late for work tomorrow and that just wouldn't do.

I should have paid more attention to the news this morning.  They probably had rampant reports of worm holes cropping up across the eastern seaboard and i missed it.  I'm usually a little more prepared for the kooky effrontery i may or may not have to face when i step outside the house.  The last time i didn't pay attention, i accidentally got married.  I've tried to make a habit of taking notice since then.  It generally works out well for me.  I'm a known nut magnet, so it pays to be on the alert.

One of my friends is fond of saying, "Tomorrow's fresh, with no mistakes in it."  I'm willing to simply hope that tomorrow's stale, with only the usual suspects.

Lily Robertson, who not only can believe it's not butter, but would be willing to bet it snuck into the butter package with malice aforethought trying to pass itself off as butter, can be reached at canopicjargon.com or in the nearest sanitarium.