Step away from the device and nobody gets hurt

Step Away From the Device!

How many times have you been in a conversation with someone sitting right in front of you while they were rabidly poking away at a keyboard, deep in conversation with someone else?  If you find this perfectly normal and even acceptable, you must be under the age of 25 and you're really missing out on the whole human interaction thing.  You're missing the nuances of conversation.  Humour loses a ton of delivery impact on "paper" that would leave you rolling if you could see someone's expression while they dropped the punchline.  Irony is so decimated by texting it probably has a support group in Berkeley.

I've been so appalled by the manners of kids who sit in the same room with each other, texting away while you talk to them, i've written columns about it and gotten a buttload of "Here here!" letters in response.  It's like talking behind someone's back or whispering secrets while sitting right in front of the person you're talking about.  It doesn't really matter if you're texting plans for what you're going to be wearing to school tomorrow.  To the person in the room with you, it feels like you're talking about them in a nasty sort of way.  Most often, you are, and you aren't fooling anyone.  And just so you know, hitting send, then smirking at the person you were just being nasty about is a bit of a dead give away.

Most text messages are short.  One, maybe two sentences at a pop.  You throw out some line and hit send, it goes flying through the air and lands on someone else's hand held whatever, and you're done.  They text back a line or two, and the "conversation" proceeds apace.  For the most part, not a lot of thought goes into most messages.  It's a fast way to communicate, but really, for anything deeper than confirming event time, date, and location, it's not a very effective way to communicate.

Kids are being brought up with keyboards that are rarely more than a foot out of their reach (unless their parents are trying to reach them, in which case, it's either lost or the battery is dead.)  Texting is their "natural" modus operandi.  Sitting in a room, looking someone else in the eye, and having an honest discussion about the situation at hand is becoming an alien concept to these people.

Even on a friendship level, you forfeit the warmth.  When you've had a totally crap day, which feels better?  Being able to vent to your friend and then having them reach over and hug you, or, sending a text that says your day sucks then receiving the response, "Awwww."?   Sure, the instant gratification factor is there, but it's about as comforting as a glass shard sweater. 

Now, imagine trying to solve a relationship problem via text message. I know, i know, relationship discussions suck most of the time.  On the upside, when you manage to have a really open relationship discussion, the problem is usually on its way to being resolved.  You also find out things about each other like the fact that you both might have hated doing something, but you were both doing it to make the other person happy.  Problem solved.  You can actually see that someone is upset by something you just said and they're not telling you for whatever reason.  That's a bomb waiting to go off that you'd never detect in the process of texting someone on the other side of town.  If you're in the same room, looking at each other while you're talking, you have just been handed an opportunity to prevent an explosion.

People growing up with the text-is-standard way of thinking are headed straight towards scenarios like this:

His Text:  My mother wants us to come visit on Saturday.
His Thoughts: Apple pie for me!  Yay!
Her Text: I made plans last month for this weekend. You go.
Her Thoughts:  I'm so not spending Saturday listening to your mom criticize everything i do.  Quick, make something up!
His Text: OK.
His Thoughts:  Those two would be best friends if they'd just hang out once in awhile and really get to know each other.  Man, this sucks!  I can't have my two best girls in the same room at the same time.

Eventually, that conversation will be followed by:

Her Text:  My lawyer is sending over the divorce papers and you should sign them by Thurs.
Her Thoughts:  Why couldn't he have just seen how much this hurts?
His Text:  Ok.
His Thoughts: Ouch.

I defy you to show me an effective shrink who will take a client on a text-only basis.


Lily Robertson, who admits Skype is kind of cool because you can at least see the person on the other end but won't get dressed up for the call, can be reached at canopicjargon@gmail.com or on Facebook.