Will the residents of sector three please report for extermination?

Live and let die while eating Doritos

Once upon a time, when the war was colder than Rasputin's heart, i was in the Navy.  My job wasn't glamorous.  Despite much caterwauling, i never got assigned to a ship.  Back then, the only boat we girls were allowed on was the Lexington, or as we called her, The Lady Lex.  But i was a spook and spooks didn't get to hang out in the Gulf of Mexico where she floated around most of the time.  Nonetheless, i'm proud of the time i served in the U.S.Navy and glad that a huge chunk of my job was to make sure nobody got killed or even ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

One of the things i liked about the Navy was that they had the smarts to sit way out off shore and level a sixteen inch gun at some inland target.  About the only thing that could pick off a boat or sub was another boat or sub.  It's a fairly cheaty method of waging war.  Then again, as i said, they do have to dodge other boats and subs.  For the most part, sailors shoot the daylights out of another boat full of sailors until they sink their battleship, but then they'll rush right over and fish the survivors out of the drink.  Sailors don't want to be eaten by a shark, and they don't wish it on other sailors, either.  Makes it really hard to send the dogtags home.

Having said that, i have enormous issues with the whole new technology of warfare where you don't even have to look your target in the eye.  For crying out loud, Star Trek tried to teach us better than that and it seems we didn't learn a thing.  Weren't we all just a little horrified at the episode where the leaders mapped out the battle like a chess game and the people in those sectors just reported in for death?  Sure, it was orderly, but was it really civilized?  Well, we now have the technology to do almost the same thing.  We can target a single human being by laser from a location so remote it's like sitting in your living room while playing a video game.  As a matter of fact, the controls for these weapons are a lot like game controllers.  Imagine if every time you nailed someone in Halo with a plasma grenade, a small pack of real people died.  If you're going to kill someone, you ought to have to look them in the eye first.

The justification for these weapons is that the country who put the postmark on these sneaky little implements of destruction are saving the lives of their boys (and girls.)  Yet, if the tables were turned, it would seem outrageous that a small gang of thugs in a cave somewhere were pushing buttons to level someone else's city.  It's not only sneaky, it's a little on the cowardly side.  Not to mention the bit where if we stop having to face the people we're killing, it just makes it that much easier to slaughter them. 

I've played tons of video games where my buddy and i sat around marveling at the bit where if you killed someone, the video showed the side of their head fly off into the sunset. (I took out a guy once by hitting him square in the nuts but the graphics refused to cover that one in detail.)  We've laughed and said things like, "Got your nose!", and "Hey, i think you have a little brain stem on your jacket."  Well, it's all fun and games until the grey matter is really on your uniform and you're slipping on another guy's entrails. 

It's been a long time since Kings, Queens and Presidents had to lead their troops into battle.  It wasn't too much later that the Generals and Admirals got wise as well and started sitting on their ever spreading backsides in comfy chairs in war rooms plotting out battles someone else would have to fight.  Now we're handing the battle over to veterans of Sniper Elite and Rainbow Six games.  In a few decades, the other guys are going to wise up, too.  They'll know exactly how to take us out.  All they'll have to do to find the leading cause of death in wars is pinpoint the precise location of the enemy's mom's basement.  Mom's cookies will just become another casualty of war. 

William Prescott once gave the order, "Don't shoot till you see the whites of their eyes."  This was meant to make every bullet count when his troops were low on ammo.  I'd give the same order but for a different reason.  I think we're running low on humanity.

Lily Robertson, who just looked up and waved at the satellite that may be targeting her, can be reached at canopicjargon@gmail.com or on Facebook.