Lieberman Threatens World of Warcraft

Have you ever been to Connecticut? It makes Wonderbread seem down right exotic in comparison. They definitely elected the right senator when they picked Joe Lieberman. He suits them to a T. His ideas are generally bland as milk toast, and he's a skittering caricature of chicken little. The NIMBY's love him.

The problem with Lieberman is that he's allowed into the Senate building and every now and then he tries to do something that will alter the way of life for real people. Well, this time he's pulled a doozy. He's authored a bill that would grant the President the power to turn off the internet. This from a man who probably runs around his house every five minutes yelling, "The Skynet's falling! The Skynet's falling!" Will Schwarzenegger endorse this bill in a fit of fond memories from his film days, or will he ask Americans to Terminate it?

It's not just a bad idea at face value, it could be disastrous for the country. Do we really need over 11 million people who play World of Warcraft headed for the White House lawn? Is the Pentagon prepared to defend our nation from itself against a sea of decorative maces and poleaxes? Could the Capitol Dome withstand an attack by level 67 mages with plus 12 staffs of plague ridden rodents? I think not.

He's named it the Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act (PCNAA). I'm hoping it's followed apace by a Protecting America from Chowderheads Act. Really, it takes a long time to hash out a bill and go through all the legalese to get it just so before it's presented. In all that time, did it not once occur to Lieberman that Wall Street alone would make for a mighty effective lynch mob given the proper motivation?

Oh, and it gets better. This bill would create a committee (naturally, because we can't do anything without a committee) called the National Center for Cybersecurity and Communications (NCCC). Guess who will be running them. That's right, the Department of Homeland Security. Now there's a calm pack of people. Yes, i think a lot of folks would be really comfortable with that one. Criminy, even Ann Coulter fans would take issue with this bill.

Lieberman's "logic" is that it would be a useful tool for the President in the face of imminent invasion from foreign enemies. My thinking is that if they're going to invade via the net, there's no possible way we'd be able to see it coming, or even if we did, stop it with the push of a button. Even if someone did push the button fast enough, when we all booted back up, whatever nastiness was sent would still be lying in wait. If Lieberman's so gung ho about the net, why not just create a crack panel of hackers and geek gurus to protect the net in the first place and get it back up if something got through?

I think the only access Lieberman should have to the net is an endless account to a streaming porn site. At least he'd be able to relax a little for once.

Lily Robertson, who would be willing to personally take away Lieberman's quill, can be reached at canopicjargon@gmail.com, on Facebook, or you can leave your opinions right here, on the net.