Our Dog is from France

Dog Day Aftermath

Who came up with the idea of putting cones on dogs' heads?  I suspect it was someone with a sick sense of humour and no personal pooch.  If they did have a dog, everything in their house was at shoulder level and nobody ever wore shorts.  They also had no narrow passageways.

When i had a Great Dane, the vet sent him home with a cone after he'd been fixed.  He decimated the entire living room in under three minutes.

At Chez Connors, we have a black lab, Hallow, who's been coned for the last week.  If the poor thing wasn't uncoordinated enough by the cone, add to that the bit where she's been on some pretty impressive drugs.  She had a tendon in her leg operated on last week, and she's on the mend, but now we're just starting the process of mending ourselves.  We look for all the world like we were savagely attacked by one of those little voodoo dolls from Trilogy of Terror.  Our legs are covered with below the knee bruises from an enthusiastic furball seeking attention and knocking things into us in the process.  There are razor thin slices on our legs that suspiciously match the width of a cone edge.  There's got to be a better way to keep a dog from licking or chewing on some dog bit that's healing. 

Cone head dogs should come with some sort of rear view mirror as well.  She's having a hell of a time backing up.  When she gets in the way and has to make a U-turn, it becomes a seven point turn that you have to wait a week to get around.  All fine and dandy to be patient with her struggles, unless she's parked herself in front of the bathroom at an inopportune moment.

Hallow and i get along great.  I've missed having a dog around and i love her all to bits.  She follows me around a lot of the time like a little police escort. She's been called a traitor for altering the course of her affections.  Personally, i think she's just madly in love with anyone in her conical range of view.  Especially if they happen to have a small, extra slice of salami.  The trick now is to suddenly change posture and sit like a cowboy with my knees at a 180 degree angle when she heads my way.  Who needs yoga class when you have a cone head dog?

Here's something that perplexes the daylights out of me...how does a dog who can't find her own paws still manage to drink out of the toilet?  I swear to Pete, that dog can stretch her neck like a giraffe if she thinks nobody's looking. 

Patio tables are a mine field for cone headed dogs.  Especially if they're covered in laptops and various cord networks.  I've already replaced one headset and now i reach speedily for the other cords when i hear the tags jingling in my direction.  My reflex time has improved drastically.  

Luckily, she goes back to the vet on Thursday.  Hopefully, she'll get clearance for de-coning.  She'll be thrilled to get the rest of her world back in view.  We'll be thrilled to cut back on the first aid kit budget.

Lily Robertson, who suspects wearing a cone would grant her a huge measure of empathy, but isn't willing to try it, can be reached at canopicjargon@gmail.com, on Facebook, or you can throw her a bone right here.